The Kink Negotiation
by Laura Schiller
Summary: Missing scene from 8.24, "The Commitment Determination". Raj and Emily clear the air after the night at the cemetery.


The Kink Negotiation

By Laura Schiller

Based on: _The Big Bang Theory_

Copyright: CBS

Making love in a cemetery, it turned out, was not only creepy but uncomfortable. Cold winds blew from the most inconvenient directions, the ground was hard under the blanket, and all the spiders in Pasadena seemed to have picked this place to host a web-slinging convention. And of course thinking of spiders made you think of flies, which made you think of what flies ate, and why they would thrive in a cemetery of all places … which totally killed the mood.

"I'm sorry," said Emily ruefully as she pulled down her skirt and brushed a cobweb out of her hair. "I have to admit, this idea sounded a lot cooler in my head."

"No worries." Raj zipped up his pants, shook his discarded jacket to get rid of cold dew or creepy-crawlies, and shrugged into it with a silent sigh. "I get those ideas all the time. They're what makes life exciting."

"So … you're not upset?"

He stood up and looked down at her, a surprisingly small figure sitting huddled up on the blanket. The easiest thing to say would be _Of course not, why don't I drive you home?_ But then he thought of the silences in his parents' dining room, followed by resentful messages delivered by the housekeepers and finally by a divorce, in which neither one had a kind word to say about the other. Had that begun the same way, by leaving too many little things unsaid?

He'd spent years unable to talk to a woman. Why would he waste the ability now he had it?

"Honestly," he said, "I almost broke up with you tonight."

"I thought so."

Emily was the most levelheaded woman Raj knew, which was one of many things he admired about her. She was not the type to scream or cry, but as she stood up, motioned for him to get off the blanket, and began folding it with quick, efficient gestures, every move she made expressed her anger.

"I told you," she said, in a voice as sharp and precise as one of her scalpels. "If the things I like disgust you this much, there's no need for you to stick around. You shouldn't be with me just because you're scared of being alone."

"That's not true!" She glared at him over her shoulder. "Okay, it is a little, but it's more than that. I do love you. Saying it in that situation might not have been the best idea, but it's true."

She set off along the path between the graves at a speed he found difficult to match. Blending into the darkness in her black skirt and wine-red sweater, with her auburn hair flickering in the moonlight, she could have been the heroine of one of her horror movies. Or the ghost. Either way, if he let her go tonight, the regret was going to haunt him to his dying day.

"Okay, so you have weird taste in movies and a terrifying sense of humor, but you wouldn't be my Emily without those things. I love you _because_ you stay so cool about things that scare me. Remember that zombie actor in the Escape Room? If there ever was a real zombie apocalypse, I'd count on you to keep me safe. Also to kill me if I got infected … because, you know, you're a doctor and could make it quick and painless." Good grief, he was babbling again, and he wasn't even drunk this time.

Emily stopped.

"That," she said, "Is the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Really?"

Raj caught up to her, breathless with relief and exertion, and they continued walking side by side. The wrought-iron gate gave a long, shrill creak as they walked through it, and something swooped above their heads that might have been a bat, but this time, he was too focused on her to be afraid.

"You know what scares _me_?" she said softly. "You do, when you say things like that."

"You - ? I don't understand."

She reached for his hand. After being together for a whole year, holding hands while walking down the street had become almost as natural as breathing, but there was something different about it tonight. She held on tightly, like a child in an unfamiliar place. Or, well, like himself in a cemetery.

"As a doctor, I had to learn pretty early how to 'stay cool', as you put it. Otherwise it would kill me every time a patient comes to me with skin cancer, and I could've removed it if only they'd come to me earlier … " Her thin shoulders slumped as if empathy weighed heavier on her than she would admit.

"The serial killer jokes, the horror movies, they're kind of a survival mechanism. A lot of my colleagues are the same. If you could hear the things we talk about in the hospital break room, your hair would turn white."

"I believe you," he said with emphasis. "My dad's a gynecologist, remember? And you know Bernadette."

"True." She wrinkled her nose, whether at the thought of gynecologist's exams or Bernadette's dodgy pharmaceuticals, he didn't care to ask.

"But what I'm trying to say is … you're so different. Since the day we met, you were so intense, so honest about your feelings. I have no problem cutting other people's bodies, but you … you cut your own heart out and just handed it to me. Now that's brave."

Raj remembered the first time they had met. He had been ridiculously nervous, enough to send Amy to the coffee shop in his place, only to burst in on them later and make a dramatic statement to prove he wasn't as passive as he seemed. It wasn't the most embarrassing thing he'd ever done to impress a woman, but it was pretty high on the list. Who knew it would actually work?

"If I remember correctly, you called me 'a weird guy with no boundaries'."

"Face it, you are." She smirked like a ginger cat and linked arms with him. "Also, you're addicted to cheesy rom-coms and you spoil your dog rotten. But you wouldn't be my Raj without those things."

She was mirroring what he had said to her earlier. Unsentimental as she was, this might be the closest she would ever get to saying she loved him. But it was all he needed to know. He dropped a kiss on the side of her head and held on to her arm.

His car was parked on the curb a few blocks away. He opened the door for her with a flourish, imitating his parents' chauffeur, and she responded by gathering her skirt around her with exaggerated care.

"You know, I have an idea," she said, "About how to make it up to you for my silly idea earlier. Is there anything … unusual … you've always wanted to try in bed?"

"Hmm … anything?" An surprisingly powerful memory of black leather and spandex jolted his brain, making it necessary to concentrate very hard on his driving.

"Actually, I've always had a thing for roleplay," he said. "How do you feel about comic book character?"

"Oh no, isn't there anything else?" She laughed and covered her face with her hands. "I'm a terrible actress. I took a drama class in college and my castmates hated me. I get so self-conscious - "

"Ah, ah, ah. Turnabout is fair play, Dr. Sweeney. I think I still have cobwebs in my - "

"Okay! But only if you find me a cool costume, like that clown girl with the two-colored hair."

They debated good-naturedly about which characters to choose all the way to his apartment. Raj stole glances at Emily as often as road safety permitted, enjoying the way her face lit up when she argued, and even as he made a vehement protest against being the Joker to her Harley Quinn, in the back of his mind, he still felt like the luckiest man in the world.


End file.
